Monday, 31 October 2011

The Scoring Drought

Its been a while since I posted. Five months in fact. Five long months.

Something has occurred in those five VERY long months since I was last whimpering on about sport and sex. I discovered something. I discovered I have a gift when it comes to women. Oh yes, since Cormac was last with you things have changed........ I have had even worse luck with women!!

You see my gift is my ability to be completely repellent to women. I am the Donegal football team of dates. The Roger Clemens of Shut-outs. If should take up tennis professionally such is my inability to find love.

In fact I am willing to offer my services as an umpire for the Mayo Ladies GAA team free of charge because the way things are going at the minute, their opponents wouldn't come within thirty feet of the goals I am standing at!

Now believe me I have tried to fix this problem. I have decided, you know what, maybe sticking with sport might help me overcome my current streak of bad luck/complete and utter uselessness.

My travels and work have taken me to soccer, gaelic, rugby, camogie, hurling matches, even to snooker halls, but no luck anywhere. I have gone to junior hurling matches, eager to impress the Ladies with my knowledge of junior B Kildare Hurling. No luck there. In fact no women there either.

I resorted to the tried and trusted Croke Park-Quinns-Flannery's-Coppers on a summer Sunday, but Mayo didn't even get to play any teams from Ulster this year which upset me greatly. Its a well known fact that the best looking female supporters all come from Mayo, and the Ulster counties. Except Fermanagh. (Not sure why Fermanagh, maybe they just don't have enough practice of big match days....)
Yes I missed the chance to try and charm a lovely Northern lass with my sweet, lilting  dull, flat accent. It was very upsetting I must say. Dublin winning the All-Ireland was just a disaster, with all those scary, mental Dublin women around. And not even the good Donegal/Limerick kind of mental women.

No it has been a cruel time for Cormac recently, to such an extent that he has starting to refer to himself in the third person again. Even going back to college and reprising my role as manager of the college soccer team has failed to halt my slump. Imagine, women seem to be more interested in Sigerson footballers and rugby scholarship players than the manager of an Inter-varsity winning college soccer B team!
I'm in shock about that one myself, and worse the only ones scoring are our opponents. 13 goals conceded in 3 games by my team this season - not that I'm counting. Oh for those happy carefree Coleraine days once more...

So with my managerial job on the line and my....whisper it... 29th birthday mere weeks away, I must try and somehow figure out where its all gone wrong. I'll be sure to let ye know how I get on.....

(I'll probably just drop my defenders)


  1. As ever cormie a facinating insight into the workings of your weird little brain....fear not some woman will eventually realise the gem that you are....eventually!!

  2. great article...can i be your girlfriend?! and then you can write about me since you wont be able to complain about repelling the women!