It has been a while since my last post, but you can forgive me hopefully, as I was busy researching for my latest instalment. The best possible way to research of course is drink plenty (not two-stroke petrol though, that's just silly, but you know who you are), watch ridiculous amounts of sport and give out about women with standards. So with all the excitement/trepidation of Daniel Timofte about to take a penalty, I will once more enlighten you all with my meandering thoughts and findings!
Aside from this exemplary research the past couple of weeks have proven to me once again (and this is hardly ground-breaking news to anyone of you), that sport and the art of chasing/wooing a woman have one very big factor in common. Lies.
Yes ladies and gentlemen, its true.....Lying is the bedrock of everything we do. As players and spectators of sport, we lie to ourselves all the time, be it from our state of fitness, to our stringent denials about being on the beer before a match to kidding ourselves that this year will be our teams year (which is ever more true if you, like me, support the twin terrors of Liverpool and Mayo...).
The thing is that while we will lie in sport to make ourselves feel better or just to win an argument, we will tell even worse lies once it comes to the opposite sex. Be they from telling someone that you won the 7.15 race that night at the Punchestown Festival (in my defence she was very good looking, and it wasn't me that started the untruth. But I digress), to lying about how someone looks, we will truly say anything to get se.....to hold hands- even if it is just for one night. In fact especially if it is for just one night.
You lie to yourself that that girl was looking at you, or that you had a chance with the hot blonde, or that surely there is no way that she can fail to be impressed by me just standing there staring at her!
But it is not just lads that are the worst offenders. Oh no. Have you ever heard a girl describe her friends to a guy? It is amazing how gorgeous looking every woman's friend is, isn't it? This is also where the absolute nightmare that is the blind date comes into play. When you're a single lad with female friends, you are ripe for these lies. And as bad and all as we know "dating" can be, a blind date is ten times worse. The problem is that they already know something about you, so you can never be sure what lies you can get away with this time....